This week at the dojo we are working on Self Control, one of the Three Rules. The definition we use for self control: Controlling your behavior to fit the situation you are in. This rule is a little more difficult to help children understand because it’s about not doing things. So giving them acknowledgment for doing it well is much more difficult. Generally a child that’s very good at self control doesn’t get a high five for it unless they are next to a child without good self control.
Make the rules
The best way to adjust a child’s behavior is to tell them when they are exhibiting the behavior you want. Telling them not to do things is much harder for them to put into practice. Especially with behaviors that are okay in one place, but not okay in another. One easy way to make sure a child doesn’t have confusion is to go through each room and cover the rules. Make it a game, see if they remember, talk to them about the rules, and even explain why. This is also a good way to see if they can guess why the rules are what they are in certain rooms. It helps kids notice things like big hutches filled with breakable items. Remember children see the world from a very different perspective and they don’t notice the same things adults do. As you go room by room with them it’s a good opportunity to kneel down with them and see your home from their perspective.
Breaking Bad . . . Habits
Self Control weeks are also a great time to work on bad habits. Separate breaking bad habits and starting good habits. Next week we are working on Self Discipline, which is a good week for creating good habits. A common bad habit might be interrupting at home or in class. Helping the child identify the bad habit and helping them learn what to do instead to change the bad habit can lead into next week when they create a new good habit to take the place of the old one. So this week you talk about the bad habit to change, help them be aware of it, even come up with a code word or signal to help them notice when they’re doing it in public. Then they can learn to identify it themselves, so next week they can slide the good habit into place with the ground work already done.
Share your success
Have some things that have worked great with your kids?
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